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To Have Our Hearts Emptied, To Be Left As We Came

by Good Weather for Airstrikes

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1.
When I was just a child, I thought I could tell the future Heartbroken I was when I realized I was nothing special Sometimes I find myself longing for that naivety Fingers stained from mustard, not from all this nicotine When my hands were shovels, not vessels for impurities I know this past summer we fought more than ever I'm trying to be better, but I've still a long way to go Oh brother, don't leave me here Without you I am nothing but my bones, my blood, my guilt I always knew I'd let you down Please don't give up on me, one day I'll make you proud Oh brother, don't leave me here Dear brother, don't leave me here
2.
(in)finite 10:39
I'm constantly plagued by the thought of how I will be remembered When I pack in my bones what words will escape from the lips of others? What emotions will they feel? Will they laugh, smile, or cry? I'm trapped in these feelings of being finite. And I lay awake at night wondering these questions Like will I know what gives us hope I'm not sure if I'll ever know what puts life in our souls And I'm not sure where I'll go from here But I hope that I keep moving forward It seems now all I can do is dream I hope for the ability to feel all you've given me I wish to be blind and deaf to negativity And only see the beauty that exists in this world But it seems now all I can do is dream
3.
And it's times like these that I feel like I'm drowning And it's times like these that I feel I am lost And it's times like these that I’d find my home in your arms And for once in my life I felt I'd found my place in this world And now the ground is shaking, and everything's falling apart And I find myself surrounded by all that I am not And for just a moment, I think I should mend this broken heart But I'm alone now, and alone I rot I wish I could crawl back to that time when everything was right Fight the wind and the rain and everything that holds me back And I hope that maybe someday I'll find some solid ground But I fear that I may never be that lucky again
4.
Matt says we'll get through this just fine But I know deep down he's hurting just like I am I'm the one who should have some strength right now And I'm the one who should hold us together But I'm struggling to maintain composure My dad cries himself to sleep while my mother dances with drinks in both hands And I wonder who hurts more when they realize Their eldest son won't be who they thought he'd be Now I find myself feeling ambivalent For I do not know if I love you more or less I can feel these habits coming back And I cannot seem to keep my hands clean enough But maybe this is what's best for all of us To have our hearts emptied, to be left as we came
5.
As I awake on this April morning to you laying beside me It hurts to know the next time we speak you'll be wiping tears from your eyes I think of just how to tell you I can’t be the man you need me to be And though I will always hold you sweetly in my heart, you'll never lay in my arms This is not the first time I've been down this road: a broken, tangled path of thorns But to this day I never hesitate to make the same mistakes twice When I say these things I take no pride - I don't like the man I've become I just need some fear in my heart to feel like I'm in love And as I turn to leave And you say you'll give me all you have I say that's exactly it If I can have you, I don't want you I never meant to break you so badly I never meant for you to get so involved I hope that one day you'll find someone better Right now I'm a man without a heart from which to start
6.
I know you're wondering when I'll give up on these destructive habits I've kept In time my friend, but for right now just leave my skeletons to me Don't hold me so high, because up here I can barely breathe I know I seem worse for wear, but your expectations have gotten the best of me We had the summer at least to redeem ourselves, to mend the bridges we had burned It was thrilling at first, and for a moment I thought that I had fallen in love again But it could never last - try as I might my place in this world is cemented I love the start, but I can't stay around to see just how it ends I've spent so long trying to be a better man, the one that you envision in me And I admit that I've been too concerned with what you'll say when I die But forgive me for desiring the piece of mind to know my time mattered So for right now, I must leave and try to be a part of something bigger But I still need you here I'll hold you in my arms, and I'll be damned if you're leaving And I'll die with these scars, but thanks to you I know they won't go any deeper We've let each other down before, but I think that if we try we can learn from the mistakes that we've made Because I still need you here I still need you here

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released October 11, 2011

Radick/Hillier/Fenn/Grant

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